18
Jun
09

The Delta Force (1986)

deltaforceThings I learned while watching Delta Force:

The Synclavier Music System may have been awesome in 1986, but it is not able to create a score that would fit a macho military movie.

We are supposed to embrace the given fact that if no one is willing to try to lift a jeep that is crushing a man’s leg, Chuck Norris can obviously do so.

When hijacking a plane, you shouldn’t have to plan ahead and know if the plane has enough fuel to get you to where you really want to go.

It is apparently daylight in Washington, D.C. at both 2:10 A.M. and 2:15 A.M.

Robert Forster simply needs to dye his hair (and mustache) black and get a really good tan to pass as an Arab terrorist, but he actually speaks some accented, subtitled Arabic. This, of course, makes him seem much more Un-American.

Hanna Schygulla, who is German (and whose talent is embarassingly wasted in this), must play a German accented stewardess who is forced to pick all the Jewish people out of crowd of passengers. This is supposed to have some sort of thoughtful point connected to the Middle East conflict, but the movie leaves it for us to figure out.

Rearranging your hostages by gender is required, but has no effect on their ability to collaborate.

When conspiring to seize an incoming aircraft, traffic controllers should pretend the airport is “closed” AND clutter the runway with vehicles that will be moved immediately, thereby negating the logical need to clutter said runway.

When a plane lands with only 2 hijackers among 144 passengers and 3 pilots, apparently no one should even attempt to try to keep it from taking off again.

The line: “U.S. Ambassador, you send back any hostage from that plane that speaks English” should in no way be misconstrued as indicative of racist/nationalist, American jingoism.

It should be standard operating procedure among commandos to announce that everyone should turn off all radio communication 60 seconds before beginning an assault, but leave the earpiece in to allow commanding officers to still attempt to communicate.

Beirut was apparently the “Las Vegas of the Middle East” in the mid to the late 1960s.

Chuck Norris and/or his character thinks beige, cloth belts are “stupid”.

After you are surrounded by your captors, you should run back towards your team and yell “Go! Go!” when the enemy doesn’t actually know where they are yet.

As a terrorist, the best way to get your captives to stop talking to you is to simply tell them: “You are going to die tomorrow”.

Motorcycles with rocket launchers on them suddenly appear out of nowhere for you to use in fighting terrorists…if you are Chuck Norris.

The contingency plan when you unsuccesfully raid a prison to to only find guards remaining: “Find one that speaks English and work on ’em”.

Chuck Norris is allowed to be sad, but he will. not. cry.

chucknorris

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